'Grabbed all the pills on my counter and swallowed': Man who lost wife in Banff avalanche shares healing journey

Roughly two years after holding his lifeless wife in his arms after she was buried in an avalanche in Banff National Park, Adam Campbell is opening up about his own suicide attempt and imploring others who are struggling to seek mental health supports.

• Warning: this story deals with suicide and may be triggering to some readers.

On January 10, 2020 the ultra-marathoner and outdoor athlete and his wife, Laura Kosakoski, were backcountry skiing with a friend on Mount Hector along the ice fields parkway when an avalanche struck. Campbell and his friend frantically dug out Kosakoski who they found buried under deep snow. She was airlifted to hospital but later passed away.

“The support and love that I’ve felt from people has been truly overwhelming and it’s really really special and I think it would warm Laura’s heart as well. Laura was a deeply caring, deeply compassionate human.”

In the aftermath of his wife’s death, Campbell was comforted by loved ones, the Canmore community and Kosakoski’s former patients - she had worked as a doctor in the mountain town. He also sought out professional help to deal with his grief which was only amplified by isolation when the pandemic hit. Despite his focus on healing, Campbell fell into dark despair after returning home from a trip to Squamish B.C. and on October 13th, 2021 attempted to take his own life.

“I hadn’t anticipated just how hard it would be to come back to my home with all the reminders of Laura and I hadn’t mentally prepared myself for that and it really weighed quite heavily. Then I had another personal issue come up that triggered me and lead me to not sleeping for a number of days,” he explained, in an interview with CTV News.

“As the days went on and the last couple of years weighed heavily on me, it felt unbearable at the time," he added. "So, I went upstairs to my bathroom and I was to be honest kind of in a bit of a zombie state. I was kind of acting on raw impulse and I grabbed all the pills on my counter and swallowed them.”

When Campbell looked up and saw himself in the mirror it knocked him out of his stupor.

“I realized I made a horrible mistake. So, I quickly called some friends and told them what had happened and ran over to my neighbours' place and she called 911 for me. Luckily they were able to come and help me before anything too serious happened.”

No light shines brighter. Because of your smile, you made life more beautiful ❤️ pic.twitter.com/LB2xEBblMb

— adam campbell (@campbelladam79) January 13, 2020

The evening was a wake up call and prompted Campbell to admit himself to a psychiatric ward for six days, set up a self care plan and contacts for times of crisis. He also moved to the west coast in December to be closer to loved ones and for a change of scenery.

Despite the tragedy, he continues to find peace and healing in the mountains.

“It’s definitely changed my relationship with the mountains in a lot of ways,” he said. “I’d never had somebody die on me in the mountains and to have it be my wife added a level of complexity and trauma to it all that I am definitely still dealing with in a real way.”

SHARING HIS STRUGGLES

Campbell is sharing his struggles because he believes it can only benefit others to open up about personal challenges.

“I think the more we can normalize mental health issues and express the fact that everybody deals with their own struggles and challenges can help us make a more supportive and loving community as whole.”

While he continues on his own journey, he encourages others who may be facing a challenge in their life to not hesitate seeking professional help.

“A lot of us try to almost self medicate by moving to the mountains because it is very therapeutic but you also do need to spend time doing proper work with professionals,” he says. “Go spend time outside but also go spend time with professionals getting help.”

CAMPAIGN URGES MOUNTAIN COMMUNITIES TO 'SEE THE SIGNS'

A campaign spearheaded by a group of organizations in the Bow Valley aims to help people who could be struggling and at risk of crisis after two years of living through the COVID-19 pandemic.

‘See The Signs’ encourages people to take a moment and assess their personal well-being through an online quiz and provides strategies to address stress and self care ideas to maintain good mental health.

A campaign spearheaded by a group of organizations in the Bow Valley aims to help people who could be struggling and at risk of crisis after two years of living through the COVID-19 pandemic.

“Bow Valley residents have been through so much over the past 20 months with changing health restrictions, anxiety about the virus, anxiety about work, and many personal and family issues that it’s understandable that people can become overwhelmed by stress, and some people may not be fully aware their mental health may be struggling,” said Ella-Jean Schatzmann, with Bow Valley Addiction & Mental Health.

The campaign also offers local contacts and resources for people in distress.

The Bow Valley Wellness, Recovery and Preparedness Coalition was first established following the 2013 floods and is now focused on supporting recovery from the pandemic.

If you or anyone you know is struggling with their mental health, you can call or text the 24/7 Distress Centre Helpline at 403-266-4357 and find more supports on seethesigns.ca.