'People who are impacted by domestic abuse want to talk': awareness campaign for people suffering abuse

The month of November is domestic violence awareness month and Sagesse has a campaign called Keep it Real to help support those being abused and their friends

November is domestic violence awareness month and Sagesse, an Alberta-based non-profit working to end domestic violence, is promoting a campaign called 'Keep it Real'.

It teaches ways for friends and family to support someone who they think may be suffering abuse.

Carrie McManus, the director of innovation and programs at Sagesse, says the month of November has been focused on awareness.

"It's helpful to have a time where we can shine a light and say this is happening in your communities and you can have a role in helping to prevent it," she said. "You can have a role in helping to make all communities safer and all communities happier and healthier places for everyone."

McManus says people who are impacted by domestic abuse want to talk, not to agencies or the police but to their friends and family members. And the Keep it Real campaign can provide tools to have those difficult conversations.

"When we talk about domestic abuse disclosures, we talk about it as if the goal of asking are you okay, is for somebody to say, I'm not but the goal of asking is actually making yourself a safe person," she said.

"It's okay to say to somebody, are you okay? It's okay to say to somebody, hey, I notice that things are a little off, or maybe you don't seem totally like yourself, or I haven't heard from you recently."

Important to listen

McManus says sometimes that line of questioning can last for a few weeks or a few months before someone is ready to talk and it's important to listen when they open up.

In the most recent Calgary Police Service report to the police commission, it states that in the month of October, 2024 officers responded to 267 incidents of domestic violence.

That's down 29 per cent from the five-year October average.

However, in the first 10 months of 2024, officers responded to 3,610 incidents.

That's up four per cent from the five-year October average.

Coercive control

The Office of the Privacy Commissioner of Canada released statistics about 'intimate partner violence' in 2023 where 123, 319 incidents were reported to police across the country primarily by women and gender diverse individuals.

"We know that most people who are experiencing domestic abuse don't call police," she said. "Police numbers are very high and it's really striking when you look at that and it's really striking when you realize that only 30 per cent of Canadians who experience abuse contact police."

Laura-Jeanne Stollery is a domestic abuse survivor who was subjected to coercive control  by her partner.

"It's a full control and manipulation of a person," she said. "It starts out from the minute they meet you, they are manipulating and controlling everything that happens to get them what they want.

"It can be everything from physical, mental, emotional abuse, financial abuse, sometimes sexual abuse, harm, threats -- anything that will get them what they want."

Stollery is out of the relationship and now an advocate who helps others in similar situations. She says it's important to have a month set aside to talk about domestic abuse.

"There's still a lot of victim shaming and I think the important part of having a month to bring awareness and the work I do, is because people need to understand this is happening to a lot of people," she said.

"It's so difficult because anybody can be conned, anybody can be tricked, it has destroyed lives and it is the most painful, difficult experience I have ever lived through."

McManus says the most important quality for a friend or loved one, is to be supportive.

"If your friend came to you and said, hey someone in my family is experiencing this medical issue, you would say I'm so sorry, what do you need, how can I help?" she said. "It's the exact same thing when somebody is experiencing domestic abuse."

Learn more about Sagesse and the Keep it Real campaign here.